She was lying the whole time!
She was a great actress
I was a great dumbass
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
I started drinking at around 8.. Started heavily drinking around 815.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
You went home with a man in a loincloth
I just watched him leave in half a loincloth. Don't you just love Halloween???
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
i think my cat just said my name.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
Randomize
