when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
Throwing up in the car while my mom drives, sister holds the bag & my dad holds my hair. This is how my family bonds.
I may have had sex with him and told him we wasn't worth my time then went home and made mashed potatoes
Remember when you tried to talk but you could only count by 2s?
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize
