it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
yeah i just made her a character on oregon trail and i hope she gets dysentry and dies. that'll show her.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
I cant wait for your democrat phase to be over.
They are baked and once again have spent the last 45 mins talking about opening up a world wide business called "pickle on a stick"
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
WHY. COME BACK. TRAPPED WITH ROOMMATE AND FALCON. SAVE ME. I HAVE HUMMUS.
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
If you don't let me come over I'm gonna call you on speaker and you have to listen to her scream and moan too
THIS IS WHY I WENT TO SCHOOL FOR TO BE A COSMETOLOGIST TO HELP MY EX BOYFRIENDS CURRENT GIRLFRIEND BE MILDLY ATTRACTIVE... Everything DOES happen for a reason
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
in the past 2 days I've ruined2-3 lives, made 2 men quit the bar, started a Wednesdays only affair, ended it, ruined that engagement and had my tires slashed by a jealous bouncer. please stop letting me out....
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