I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I need to figure out what I wanna do with my life.
There are margaritas in the freezer still.
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
To my wonderful winter break booty calls: thank you for making this holiday season enjoyable. I look forward to seeing you boys again this summer.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
The bad thing is that I bled through my bandages last night and keep finding blood around the house. It's almost like a scavenger hunt for solber me. I get to find out where drunk me went.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
Randomize
