There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
A girl just asked me to co-sign for her boob job because she didn't have enough credit built up. This is a first.
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
why is my clorox wipe dispenser full of tortillas?
I was going to call you an awful person for that. but then i realized we're both awful people.
Really* awful people.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
It was at the same house, but a different party, when lesbians set me on fire. So there's that.
It's time to run my sex life like a basketball team. Got the lesson Clint!
Dude...are you really going to start sexting during our friend's memorial service?
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
