Hows this for an invention: a toilet that weighs your poop
Its 6am. Um if my mom for some reasons asks, you stopped by my house around ten and had some wine with me. She is concerned I drank a whole bottle by myself. Woke me at 6am to interrogate..Thank god my pounding head thinks fast.
PS We had chips too. She is less concerned about the whereabouts of the chips but still a good lie always needs detail.
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
It's stupid hot. I just want to be laying in a bathtub full of margaritas
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Could have been worst, could have seen me bent over biting her carpet while her son was inside me, i think i would have respnded with "i was just trying to be quiet"
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
I have visions of guys in cheetah costumes with suits over it pissing on a children how are you
I ate all your munchie Mac and Cheese cause you left me on the lawn. If you don't want it to happen gain, drag my drunk ass inside next time
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
Randomize
