just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
i don't even want to say how many boners i've caused this week
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
thanks for paying me in special brownies...but brownies dont pay the rent...anymore.
The last thing I remember is ordering two Martinis while yelling 'CAN YOU PUT THAT IN ONE GLASS?'
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
and somewhere between crying in her arms and throwing up in her front yard, we became friends.
My life is a joke. Told everyone last night that they could call me Mrs. McCormick because I'm gonna end up alone with a handle of peach vodka anyways.
just woke up in a camero on the way to nebraska, i would appreciate it if you answered your phone.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
Going back to the ever classy sneak out to the fridge and swig liquor from the bottle method. That it is legal for me to drink here makes the fact that I have to do this all the more depressing.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
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