Sry I called you an 8
I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
so he came over for the first time and i completely forgot i had pictures of him printed out from facebook on my wall and a newspaper article with him in it.. you can guess that it lead for an awkward situation.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
it's official, i know exactly what cross streets we're at by the bumps when i give him road head
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Please tell me that's his leg and you didn't really just send me a picture of your dog's dick
So that'd what fifty dollars of chicken at 7/11 looks like. Made it to work on time. Puked twice. BOOM.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
If you don't respond in the next 30min, I'm going to assume your in a sex coma, in jail, or dead... All of which I've become accustomed to, and will follow the appropriate channels of notification once you notify me.
You wanna explain to me why there is a banana shoved down my pants?
Randomize
