pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
just took a shot of real whiskey... i forgot what it's like to drink liquor that costs more than twelve dollars.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Nope, just sitting on the couch, eating an advent calendar, being depressed about the herps.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
You know he really cares when he gives you one of those on-the-go toothbrushes for your walk of shame before running to work
yeah the cable guy is coming and everybody is hiding all the pieces in the house. we are up to thirty two. like a fun game of smokable scavener hunt.
We can get high as fuck when there are no orders. If not its cool. I just figured Take Your Blunt Buddy To Work Day.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
I mean I've seen her tits but I don't know what her voice sounds like
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
