i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
All I've succeeded in doing since I saw you is drool on my shoulder
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
Our baby is creepy.
That's how we know it's ours. haha
Randomize
