i have a feeling tonight will end in rehab
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
Breaking up as roommates was a poor life decision. I'm sorry. Thank you for never shitting on the floor.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Randomize
