we are all sexual creatures
yea maybe. but you're not. you're not getting any.
The best thing happened. Some guy was butchering Conway Twitty at karoke and the power went off in the whole bar. And someone shouted "you pissed jesus off when you messed with conway!"
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
Just saw a squirrel crossing the road in a crosswalk..my morning has improved exponentially.
it's fine if we fail the bar, we were never going to satisfy the moral character requirement anyway
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
at this point I think you're judging my taste in men
I swear I'm not
It's okay, I'm judging my taste in men
First you stole a hockey stick out of the nieghbors yard and claimed you were moses leading his children home. Then you led us around the same block twice before I called the cab
Randomize
