I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
it sounds like her vocal chords are covered in pudding and rocks. come get me.
the best job he will get is a sex ed teacher in alabama
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
wait a second. did i just remember you the other night referring to your tits as tia and tamara.....
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
some chick tossed a drink in your face at the bar last night. your mouth was opened so i think you ended up swallowing at least half of it. good job.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
Randomize
