i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
I asked a girl to buy her a drink, she had I have a boyfriend, so I said, well i have a goldfish, she said what? I replied, oh I'm sorry I thought we were talking about shit that doesnt matter.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I'm in Target and the lady in front of me is buying three Summer's Eve douches, a box of fishsticks and a giant bottle of vodka. The sad thing is I get it.
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
Last night I realized I made a dick appt 2 MONTHS IN ADVANCE!!!!....... WHO THE HELL DOES THAT!?!? LMAO!
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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