Just woke up and stopped at the WaWa in Virginia. Had major morning wood and didn't try to hide it when walking around. So many awkward stares.
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
Im just a social blackout drinker.
You started throwing frozen shot glasses at people and you kept saying "it's fine, they melt."
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Black out Jordan is making huge strides. I didn't even pee on anyone or anything last night.
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
HE ASKED IF I HAD SIBLINGS WHEN I ASKED HIM TO LICK MY ASSHOLE
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize
