Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
tonight lets celebrate not being married
She got a tattoo in memory of her cat, my attratcion to her is no more.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
im still trying to figure out who put the honey mustard in the blender then put the entire blender into the freezer
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
If this first date goes well and I like him, I won't sleep with him. But if it doesn't go well, I'll sleep with him.
I just want to like fall into a pit of hot wings beside a keg of yingling and eat my way to freedom
He said he doesnt believe in the female orgasm,so no I did not have sex with him.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Randomize