Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
alright got my week's quota of sex in, ready for modern warfare 2
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
You just kept yelling, "THAT'S THE POWER OF PINESOL, BABY!"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
