Bisexual people are plain selfish.
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's a special occasion. Hence the 151.
you were sat in the corner crying until someone gave you a baguette, which you then tried to feed to the duck doorstop.
I regret nothing
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Flacco has been sacked like 7 times. His name also auto corrects to Flaccid. That's so sad
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I mean she's doing calculus in her head to prove how NOT drunk she is.
Randomize
