I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
you went over to those random dudes and told them you were an ordained minister and would like to bless their food. they laughed and agreed, then you said "now bow your heads in prayer" as soon as they did you grabbed a taco off their tray and bolted out the door.
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
it looks like my getting laid tonight is going to depend on my knowledge of native birds. this is a weird party
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
My backyard is filled with beer cans. You idiots turned our backyard into a redneck ball-pit
Listen, unless you want to spend your birthday in a trunk, you better invite me
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
