i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
After you puked you called ur mom and told her you fucked on her bed, then u said "Have a good night mommy!" hung up and passed out on my couch
that would explain 17missed calls and 3 very angry voicemails from her
I just puked in the mop bucket at work. I think I need to go home.
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
Please don't place wagers on my sex life unless you are giving me a cut. With my current sluttiness I feel like I deserve 40% for how much money you'll make
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
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