just as he was about to cum he started shouting "I THINK I CAN! I THINK I CAN!" over and over again.
Definitely just saw a grown man at wal mart wearing high heels and carrying a baby
What the fuck were you doing at wal mart?
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
Just saw a bouncer shoot a stripper with a squirt gun. He looked at me n said,"gotta keep em in check." I'm in love with this place
"Students using Axe body spray to light selves on fire" is a real headline from a real newspaper. WHY AREN'T WE DOING THIS RIGHT NOW?
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
If she makes a move, pretend to have a seizure.
Well the good news is my "i'm an adult" dinner party went well, they all brought wine and complimented my cooking abilities. the bad news is i woke up with the leftovers in my bed/on my face
On a separate but also a very relevant note, can we practice drinking wine like real people?
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
I got drunk and slept with the guy who looks like Jesus.
Typical.
Paige is home safe.
Actually, she's here now, punching me in the face. You should've kept her keys.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Was i rolling around in a parking lot last night
We were 6 minutes into the movie before we realized the whole movie was spoken in Italian. That level of stupidly-ripped
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