worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
No, I can't hang out with Dave because he already has a girlfriend. The one with the tatoos of cherries on her "cherry." Yeah, she doesn't really make me feel spectacularly comfortable.
You might not want to sit on your couch. Actually you may want to throw it away. My bad.
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
I hope no one at work will be able to read the "who wants body shots" on my chest. I forgot about it.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Here's the thing, you got road head in two different cars tonight. You feel lucky yet?
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I refuse to believe you if you're trying to tell me humanity as a whole isn't sad, tired, and craving Chinese food.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Hey, I'm sleeping in your car...lol just knock on the window in the morning
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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