He said he only talked to me because I talk dirty in bed.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
Right when he gets off the plane they're going straight to a party where you're only allowed in with a bottle of whisky and they are given bullet proof vests.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
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