I would wrestle an alligator for a bj right now
Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
my boss said she was surprised to see me this morning. i told her there's a time in a girls life she has to give up day drinking in order to make money for next weekend's alcohol. she looked so proud, i think i might get a raise.
Hangover Status: I've been bedridden longer than that kid from The Secret Garden. It's not looking good.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Shit. I'm running the whole hotel right now. The front desk girl had to run home because she left her vibrator on the counter and her brother, mom, and grandmother surprised her and are showing up to her place before she gets off work. This will end badly no matter what.
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
The air tonight was full of shame when we saw each other.
Well if u wouldn't have had sex on the front porch last night I think that could have been avoided.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
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