Seriously.......what do you have to do to get arrested in Vegas???
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
if I die on the way please explain to my mother that I do not wear fishnets on a regular basis
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
I've decided I want to blow you wearing a santa hat.
Aren't rabbit ears more seasonally appropriate?
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
