I wish there was an iPhone app to help you with your shitty personality.
I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.
Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
On the plus side this hangover is the tipping point that finally convinced my lazy ass to get some sunglasses.
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
I wish I could be happy with a nice Christian girl, but no, I need a hot mess who starts bar fights
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
