ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I'm staying at his house to solve the homeless situation. There's a freezer bag of weed in the fridge. He doesn't know it's there, and he's not missing it so I may have an income soon.
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
I will be DAMNED if anyone but me breastfeeds my cat.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
Randomize
