Guess who has two thumbs, loves booze, and just dug half a handle of rumb out of a trash can in a freshmen dorm? This classy gentleman. Good day to you sir!
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
I can't believe I cried over a sausage mcmuffin.
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
Wtf just happened. Thought you were in my bed since 3am, turned out I was sharing it w/a drunk girl from the 6th floor lounge...
First thing on my "to do" list- get sober for community service.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
So I can confidently say that I'm the only 3rd year engineering student who completed all 4 of their exams with One Direction pens
The only thing that makes a night with half a bottle of cheap vodka is the other half of that bottle of cheap vodka.
This is why I should’ve just stuck with blow jobs. I’m good at blow jobs. Blow jobs never fail me.
My vagina knows your penis is sad about Andrew Luck. You should come over and let her comfort him in his time of need
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