I tried to pay my bar tab with my gym membership card. Twice.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i feel like god sat there all night pointing and laughing at me
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Yeah I remember I tried to close her head in the freezer last night
If she says "This is how acid feels" one more time I'm never trip-sitting them again.
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Pretty sure I just shit out pure stomach acid. I'll explain after you take me to a hospital
I'm at work, and just realized I the beer smell I keep getting random whiffs of is my bra. I fail at life.
If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
They weren't kidding when they said "Go Army Strong." Best sex I ever had.
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
Randomize
