From the crime scene it appears that I attempted to throw up into a candle.
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
I was trying to pee in the bushes and the person who lived in the house where the bushes were planted started knocking on the window to get me to stop peeing in their bushes
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
Is Oprah even human
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
If you recall, I made a Zoolander reference almost immediately after you pulled out of me the first time we had sex.
Just dropped the most perfectly rolled joint into the toilet I just finished taking a shit in, hadn't even had time to flush, 5 second rule?
No!
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
I am watching a girl dressed up as santa, full on fat suit, try to fight a six foot 200lb man. A reindeer threw beer on everyone. Shit is going down
Randomize
