I'm going to get drunk on champagne by myself.
Oh no wait my cat's here. Thank god for a second there I sounded really sad.
i just cleaned out my toilet because i knew that my head would be in it later
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Plus apparently whenever one of her friends loses their virginity they get a party with a funfetti cake which I found funny
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
This is working out surprisingly well considering it started out with us using a christmas tree as a battering ram
i woke up wearing her shoes. this night isn't going on my highlight reel
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
It felt like Party Santa dropped by and gave us two more 18-packs.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Randomize
