she smelled like a LAN party
I'm drinking early times at a fridays on wednesday night. This entire bar is going to see my dick by last call.
its no coincidence her full name and "cling" are the same in t9
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Is it completely inappropriate to base my morning after pill purchase on if they sell coffee or not?
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
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