I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
y-o-u-r-e = you are, y-o-u-r = your. you are a bag of douche not your bag of douche. if you're going to insult me at least do it in proper english. that is all.
im going to live freely with my legs opened and my heart closed
I just want you to know that were having pizza delivered to the emergency room
slowly transforming into a stationary lump of steel. how can you tell me that was JUST weed
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
How many drinks/blunt hits do you think I could get if I wore an "it's my birthday" shirt
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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