So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
If we're like this now and women reach their sexual peak in their 30's, I can't even fathom what our futures hold.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
other than her wanting kids and me wanting to do drugs,were perfect for each other
Tonight marks the 1 yr anniversary of me waking up in a bush. is that reason enough to celebrate?
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Whatever. I just smoked another bowl so I don't care and wow I just noticed how fast my thumb moves when I text. I'm amazing.
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
