If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
I either have a razor blade lodged in my throat or I've been drinking entirely too much Evan Williams.
Well she described you as a "Sex-Viking", which seemed to be only slightly related to the red beard. So things are looking good!
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
