every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I wonder if u can grow weed on Framville and sell it to Mafia Wars?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
i want you to know that after i type the word "your" , vagina is next on my auto correct text
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
After he finished he proceeded to check my boobs for breast cancer.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
I'm like, not good at living.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
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