you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
So my girlfriend used a threesome to tell me she wanted to leave me for a girl... Not entirely sure how I should feel about that.
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
alicia just called me and talked to me in "the eternal language of the dinosaurs" and then kind of roared and gurgled. what kind of 4th of july are you guys having?
the boozy kind. is there any other?
Going to dump some dried Xanax powder into some Mac and cheese. Can't think of a better way to avoid tasting it.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Are we DOING anything for lunch...if sex is involved, let's just be straight forward and stop wasting the first half hour! We just need to get to the point
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
Randomize
