I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
And then he said he would build me a mountain dew water fountain
Marry him now.
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Lest it die in the depths of eternal drunken recall denial...we peed in the street. Middle of the street. Simultaneously. Peed. Street. Middle of street.
A fire alarm is going off in some building, people are running around naked and people are passed out in the MIDDLE of the sidewalk. If they ban parties again, I'm going to be pissed.
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
