why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
A letter to the campus apologizing for being sucha cunt with a picture of her head on it. All posted around campus.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I think I'm about to have sex with a second person before noon hehehhe! You're welcome America.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I miss living with her. She was the only person who was a bigger train wreck than I am.
Sometimes I love sober logical me. She makes rare appearances but when she does she shines.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
Yeah I was just reminiscing about that time a seagull shit on your head at the beach
No one knows how to work that "I pulled a muscle in my leg" drunk swagger like you can
Randomize
