You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
NASCAR RACE 2010 NO REGRETZZZ!!!
It is literally 8 in the morning.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Plus you know he's just 2 semesters and 4 glasses of wine away from "experimenting" with some French major
She looks like if Peter Griffin was a lesbian.
Run away.
She kept saying how cute and adorable I was. I felt like a care bear getting a blowjob
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
Teflon bitches. Nothing fucking sticks to this kid, not even a kid. Maury Povitched this shit outta that situation.
We finally have the house to ourselves and your out playing Lance Fucking Armstrong
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
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