whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
Why would he get rid of a girl with no gag reflex? I don't get it.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
So feel off my bed lastnight into the trashcan. On the plus side i thought under my bed was a cave and i went exsploring
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
This is me trying to take a picture to send to grandma. At 4. We were trying to look sober.
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
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