I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
Vanessa Carlton's songs would be so much better if she was pretty
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
I just had sex with the megalodon show on in the background and it was just as magical as it sounds
He told me if he passed out to wake him by sitting on his face, and if he suffocated at least he would die happy. Found the one.
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
You did what with his pubic hair?
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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