Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
stop calling my apartment porn island.
so I smoked with the leasing agent of the apartment complex. Of corse I am going to take this one
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
I vaguely recall putting a toaster in the freezer.
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I really dont wanna go to a traffic light party. I have nothing red to pretend I'm taken with. Without something red my "my girlfriend is away in the mines" story wont work.
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
jusy threw up in the airport bathroom. I am no longer thankful for fireball.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
If people had ratings on Tinder I'd give you 5 out of 5 stars.
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