my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Although I commend your efforts to keep my penis away from her, your sister is now booty walking up my stairs. Good game though, good game.
I blew him while he was standing up and he drooled on my head
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
Gotta wait until my full time offer is confirmed before I try to fuck the mid level manager
I knew it was love when he told me he wants to see me have multiple orgasms in one night
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
hi, I love you... and I'm sorry your floor is covered in popcorn, your cabinet is broken, all your alcohol is gone, you're 80 dollars poorer, everything in your bedside table is soaked in beer, austin slept in your bed in those disgusting underwear, I made out with your toilet seat, and for talking to your mom with a four loko in my hand
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