I forgot how ruthlessly advertising works on me when I'm high.
the last 2 times weve had drunk sex ive had to get the morning after pill.. he's turning into a real expensive fuck buddy.
She told me to stay away from him cause apparently he fucks anything that walks. clearly i responded with..."i walk"
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I might have to break the "you stay out of my sister and ill stay out of yours" pact that i have with tim
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
Your sister walked upto me in the middle of the hallway and was like get us beer or shes never having sex with you ever again, wtf
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
