my sister and i are watching a movie and pregaming together. and by pregaming i mean shes not drinking since she 14 and im drinking alone.
vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
some girl just asked me if I was that guy that hooked up with nine girls in one night. officially a local celebrity. gonna try and autograph her boobs.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
is one penis in the hand worth one better nicer penis in the manscaped bush?
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
I should know better than to open your texts at the grocery store
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
you walked into the party, and all you had on was your left sock... literally.
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