I love being friends with rich people. I get laid by association.
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
the girl next to me in class is drawing a guy banging a chick doggy style...its very detailed
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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