No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Tonights drinking will be celebratory and victorious. Picture the end of The Mighty Ducks set to beer.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
I need to keep a secret stash of instant alcoholic margaritas for when i deal with people. For example, right now, im grading, and I just don't fucking care any more. My students should make a thank you card for Jose Cuervo.
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Where are you? Where am I? Why am I so red?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Now that I'm sober I feel the need to tell you that I'm not really a fish whisperer....
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