Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i'm going to look back at this as the time of my life when i casually dated that autistic guy
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Slowly realizing that my only incentive to bathe is shower beer
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
At 27 it's no longer called 'slutty', it's called having a healthy sex life...
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Apparently karate chopping the fronts off all the paper towel and soap dispensers in the bathrooms isn't even frowned upon. Like even at the third bar when I fell flat on my back trying to jump kick the last one some guy just helped me up and high fived me. America.
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