how come the more i say "don't get it in my eyes," the more gets in my eyes
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
I think I'm interested in anyone that recognizes I actually have a pulse
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
My parents don't seem to understand that all I want to do over break is smoke in bed and watch Workaholics.
In order to see him, he made me facetime with his penis, which he had drawn a smile face on. Getting laid shouldn't be this difficult.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
.It's like gods test of willpower against vaginal comfort
I woke up with Pop Rocks stuck to my ass
BRING THE BAGELS
I woke up on a park bench with a nice homeless guy waking me up. I bought us Carl's Jr. Best birthday ever!
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
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