just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
my mom used to put diet coke in my bottle. i can pretty much handle anything.
Not cool at all. Last night I organized my condoms by expiration date. I need to get laid.
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
they pretty much knew i was there to get drunk and fuck their daughter
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
I can't blame him for thinking that then, placing a cone shaped potato chip on the tip of his penis post bj is not a normal act of love
He sent me a picture of him trying to push his cock into a Gatorade bottle. I dont know if I'm impressed it didn't fit and disgusted that he sent me something so vile.
Drunkenly tried to auction off Merik's pancakes at Ihop. Apparently I make a great auctioneer. Also, no one wants 30 cent pancakes.
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
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