According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
I know I said I was done dating 22 year olds but it's not my fault all the guys my age gave up on life and got fat
Shaun got a portable breathalyzer for christmas so now we can tell who the biggest pussy is at the end of the night.
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I'm currently sitting at your kitchen table eating chicken nuggets that I dug out of the trash and thinking about how much I need to get laid.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
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