Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
There's a show on bravo about fat people dancing. FAT PEOPLE. DANCING.
This is god's gift to the unemployed.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
I just decorated my birth control case with Lisa Frank stickers. If that doesn't scream 'I'm not ready for babies' I don't know what does.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
I'm not gonna lie; I was dosed with mushrooms and am eating pickles with a guy in all white. It's weird, but I'm down. Help.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
It gives me purpose in life to help fulfill nerdy fantasies. Like I'm doing something good for mankind and having multiple orgasms in the process.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
You will drink beer in a kiddie pool in your back yard but you wont bring a girl home
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