You are possibly the most enthusiastic, likable bad influence I've ever met.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
At one point, the guy you were fucking high-fived with the guy I was fucking. We should hang out with them again?
Mango bong: no go. Guava bong: sweet flaming buddha it was delicious. I shall teach you the ways of tropical fruit trees.
struggle bus is officially taking me on a road trip to hell. If this is just the first destination, I'll jump out the fucking window.
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
THIS IS EXACTLY WHY YOU SHOULDA FUCKED BEFORE YOU MADE HIM YOUR BOYFRIEND, CURVED DICKS ARE NOT OK
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
It's official, I'm not staying in tonight
What caused that decision?
You only live once
Randomize
