i don't like sucking hair
I hate myself for knowing the words to party in the USA.
I'm quitting my job and I'm just going to become a professional drunk girls mistake.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Do you ever get high and look at your cat and feel like you know them on an intellectual level?
she chased shots of jack with a fucking steak. i'm in love.
He was so traumatized by the It's a small world ride but he immediately pulled out a flask from god-knows-where and got drunk before the ride was over. The ride operator didn't blame him.
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Randomize
